Eulogy

A Celebration of Trenna’s Life  –  15 January 2021

By Greg

Below is the eulogy I delivered at the Celebration of Trenna’s Life (her funeral). In due course I will do another post explaining what I wanted to achieve from the event and how friends and family helped me to organise it.

One of Trenna’s sisters, Nancy also gave a eulogy, as did Trenna’s friend, Helen. I will be publishing their words in the near future.

---

Eulogy

It is, of course, impossible to do justice to Trenna’s life in the small time available at a celebration like this, but brace yourselves – or hold onto the person next to you, I’m about to take you on a REMARKABLE ride spanning 63 ¼ amazing years.

Trenna Helaine Seckington was born on 11 September 1957, to Jean and Eddy Seckington.  She had 3 older siblings, Nancy, Colin and Barbara.  Both Trenna’s mother, and Trenna, had Marfan’s syndrome, a heredity condition that effects the connective tissue in the body.  Because of Marfan’s, Trenna’s mum passed away when Trenna was just 2 years old.  Trenna had no memory of her mother. 

Trenna’s Dad, Eddy, was also unwell, and not long after the death of their mother the kids were put into Mofflyn homes a Methodist Home in East Vic Park.  The Home was arranged in cottages, and Trenna WASN’T in the same cottage as her siblings.  About 4 years later, when Trenna was 6, her father passed away and Trenna became a Ward of the State.

Trenna told me that FOR HER Mofflyn wasn’t a horrible place, though she would add that she really didn’t know anything else.  (She told me a few pretty horrible stories, but I’m NOT going to relate them today).  She told me that one thing that did upset her was that when she and her friends misbehaved they would all line up to be given the belt.  Trenna’s grievance with this is that the Aboriginal kids were hit with the buckle end of the belt, whereas she got the other end.  Even at a very early age she cared for others, more than for herself.

Before long, Trenna’s siblings, who were several years older than her, moved from Mofflyn to Craig House, a Legacy Home, located on The South Perth Esplanade.  Without her siblings around Trenna declined and eventually the Craig House rules were bent to allow an 8 year old Trenna to move there.  One regret Trenna had was that this meant that she had to change from East Vic Park Primary School, to Forrest Street Primary in South Perth and she missed the end of year concert that she had been practicing for all year – she had been going to play the triangle!

TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLY, Trenna’s siblings, who were all now teenagers, didn’t play a huge role in her life there, and eventually Craig House found another child Trenna’s age who needed a home.  That girl was Helen Rice, who remained friends with Trenna her whole life.

Trenna had lots of stories of what she got up to, living in South Perth, swimming in the river, exploring the high rise apartments as they were being built, buying cigarettes for the Matron, and even, with Helen, rescuing a cat –  from the woman down the road who they’d assumed to be a witch. 

She also had multiple visits to hospital as a child, mainly for eye surgery, and she NEVER FORGAVE the PMH nurses that stole and ate all the Sherbies a friend had brought in for her.

Trenna and Helen went to Kent Street High School from 1970 -1972.  At an early age Trenna’s lenses had dislocated and she had no lenses in her eyes, so she wore very thick, cats eye glasses.  Also, Marfan’s syndrome, and adolescence, meant that she had become long and skinny, had crooked teeth and clearly didn’t look like other students her age.  Trenna was bullied – A LOT – at high school – almost exclusively by the boys, as she was quite liked by the girls.  She had become very good at athletics, and in particular hurdles, but she refused to compete at the school because she would have to wear red bloomers and she knew she would just get ridiculed by the boys and called a Toffee Apple.

Another aspect of the bullying was that she never did her homework because she was sure – as she put it – that “an ugly girl with glasses, who was also a goody two shoes” would have an even harder time.  Having been a school boy in that era, sadly, I’m think she was right.  The upside of this was that she did get to read a LOT of Agatha Christie novels during homework time at Craig House. 

At the end of 1972 Craig House closed.  Trenna had finished 3^rd year high school and the decision was made – by others – that she should go to business college so she could get a job to support herself.  At the time it was pointed out to Trenna that she would die in her twenties or early thirties, and that she also wasn’t likely to find a husband to support her.

So at age 16 Trenna was put into Girls’ Friendly Society on Adelaide Terrace, in the city, and basically began fending for herself.  As it turned out, she topped her class at business college.  She particularly liked shorthand, which she thought was like cracking a code.  She got a job after just a couple of months.  Trenna kept a diary of this year of her life and it shows just how young she was, but also, how well she coped. 

In later life Trenna transcribed this diary, and in line with her wishes, in a while, I’ll be putting that on an appropriate Facebook page.

It was around this time that Trenna got her first pair of contact lenses, and for the first time was able to grow her hair and style it how she wanted, and buy her own clothes.  She truly blossomed and AT LAST she found that boys WERE interested in her.  She could also see a lot better with contacts.  So she looked better, and she looked better!

Before long Trenna’s social life began to blossom and she lived in a large number of share houses in her late teens and all through her twenties.  One she remembers fondly was a huge, derelict house near the Old Mill.  It had holes in the walls, and they chopped up the garage doors for firewood.  She lived there with Helen, and it was on the bed in that house that her first dog, Pickles was born.  Prickles was with Trenna for about 17 years.

In another share house she lived with “the Spanish Sisters”.  Now, I never met these sisters but from what I can gather, they had a bit of a dysfunctional family.  I gather they had fiery temperaments, and were quite emotional.  One day, when the sisters were having a HUGE fight, one of them pulled out a gigantic kitchen knife.  Trenna didn’t hesitate to jump in between them, and somehow managed to diffuse the situation, but always the wise one, she moved out a few days later.

As soon as she could, Trenna started going to pubs to see bands and to dance.  She struck a friendship with the members of the band McLoud and the whole band would come over to Trenna’s place after the pub closed, to smoke, drink and eat to the wee hours of the morning.  Trenna often went to her new job at HBF having had very little sleep, and then the next day, do it all over again.  She also loved going to see the Dave Hole Band play and to dance at the White Sands Pub.

She went to all the right events in the 1970s and 80s, –  the Parkerville Amphitheatre, The Moove Concert on the Perth Esplanade, free concerts at Cottesloe, and Scarborough beaches, and the Australia Day Long Weekend at Rottnest.  We later realised that I had been at all these events too, though I never met her there.  I came close, probably in about 1981, at Rottnest.  My friend Eggs, who had been too drunk to find his own tent, had slept – outside – right up against SOMEONE ELSE’S tent.  In the morning he reported that the girl in the tent elbowed him throughout the night trying to get rid of him.  Years later, we realised that girl, was Trenna.

During this whole period Trenna had plenty of boys interested in her, and she did have some boyfriends, but as she still thought she would, like her mother and grand mother, die in her early thirties, she really didn’t want to commit to anyone.

Around this time Trenna had gone back to night school and completed a mature age TEE and was admitted as a part time Psychology student at UWA.  At the time she was working compulsory overtime at HBF, and the only way to get home to Girrawheen from evening classes was to catch a taxi.  The financial and time constraints were too big and she dropped out.  In later life she went to Curtin and started a Business Degree, then changed to Social Sciences.  Again, she stopped that, but later re-enrolled at UWA and completed two years worth of French Language units.  Near the end of this her heart and eyes were both deteriorating and it was getting physically very hard to cope, but she never stopped loving the French language.

My friend Evo also worked at HBF, in the IT department.  Trenna encouraged him, and eventually convinced him to use his skills in America.  Trenna, would go each Friday night, with Evo and other HBF staff to the Cine Cellars Tavern in the city.  Trenna, who would drink double, triple and even quadruple Tia Marias and Coke – (she was friendly with the barman) – and would match Evo and the others, drink for drink.  It was here where I first met Trenna, but I had a big beard (she didn’t like men with beards) and she smoked (I didn’t like women who smoked) – so nothing eventuated.

When Evo eventually got a job in America Trenna was invited to the going away party.  As luck would have it, a day or two earlier she had given up smoking, and I had shaved off my beard.  I arrived late as I had been to an art exhibition of a student I knew, and had bought an artwork – now, this made me sound much more bohemian than I actually was.  Trenna didn’t recognise me when I arrived, because I’d shaved my beard off, but she recognised my distinctive tee shirt!  She took a punt and nonchalantly said “Oh Hi Greg”.  We didn’t look back from there and the very next year, in 1989 we were married.  The clincher had been when she agreed to go to the Palm Sunday Peace Rally with me in 1988, and afterwards she bought me a Whopper and a $1 Hungry Jacks Watch.  She followed it up later that year with a Victa Lawn Mower, so I was hooked.

Trenna and I had 32 years together, and they were wonderful years, ALL of them.  We had a love so deep, a bond, so strong.

Trenna’s medical issues affected her, her whole life, but for almost all of it, she was able to be active, vibrant, sociable, and importantly, she was able to enjoy contemporary music, and to dance.  I hope that people won’t think that Trenna’s medical issues defined her life, because for most of it, she was getting on with life despite what issues she had.

Trenna believed values are important.  She REALLY cared about people, REALLY cared.  If you got a greeting card from her you can be sure that it was bought from the shop after considerable thought about what YOU would think about it.  What she wrote in it was REALLY carefully considered, it would have taken AT LEAST half an hour to compose just the right words for YOU, and she would have done multiple drafts.  Some text messages she sent took 30 or more minutes to compile.  This wasn’t because she couldn’t see well, it was because she REALLY CARED about what she sent YOU.

If you had a phone call with Trenna, she would keep a record of it, because what you said was important to her, and also it allowed her to think about if there was some other way she could help you.

If you were a guest at our house, for whatever reason, she would KNOCK HERSELF OUT, to make sure that your needs were met, and that you felt as comfortable as possible, she did it because she REALLY CARED.

Now, here are a few other insights, in no particular order, into this wonderful, and multi-facetted woman:

• She was keenly interested in politics and current affairs, especially during the Keating era, and she despaired for the nation through the whole of the John Howard era.
• She was a fabulous and very knowledgeable gardener, and for quite a few years Trenna and I on the weekends would get up early and garden ALL day, right up to sunset stopping only for a brief Lunch and morning and afternoon tea – and we loved it.
• Trenna LOVED reading.  To get into uni she studied English and English Literature.  She loved well written novels, and at times would read the same phrase over and over again, marvelling over how well crafted the words had been.
• She liked Earl Grey Tea – but ONLY in the afternoon.
• In 2016 she was interviewed for the City of South Perth Local Oral History Collection – mainly about her time in Craig House.  She also recorded several hours of tales of her childhood and youth which I’ll finish transcribing and release on the internet.
• She was a great cook, and avid foodie.  There was a couple of years when, apart for a few favourites we deliberately repeated, we had a different, new meal, every night.
• She loved foreign Cinema and we spent many summer nights at the the Sommerville Auditorium.
• She was a volunteer English language tutor, helping migrants and refugees to learn English.
• She loved camping and bush walking, and we went on many walks –  we climbed the Gloucester Tree and walked to the top of Bluff Knoll.
• Trenna LOVED children, and would have been a fabulous mother, the only reason we didn’t have any was that a pregnancy would have been very dangerous for both the mother and the child.
• She was a superb saver and money manager.
• She enjoyed the local craft group which went for a while and it made her feel part of her local community – which she loved.
• Trenna looked forward to her Tuesday Mah-jongg group at our place, and enjoyed catching up with Rhonda, Lisa and Helen.
• She enjoyed travel, going to all the states and territories in Australia, as well as the USA a couple of times, Europe a few times, Japan during Cherry Blossom time, New Zealand a couple of times, and a number of South East Asian countries.
• She thought it was important that people, with a rare medical condition, such as her’s, help the medical profession learn more about it.  She did numerous sessions with medical students being interviewed and helping them to try to understand what it’s like to live with a chronic illness.  Even in that VERY LAST VISIT TO HOSPITAL she agreed to let a young doctor, doing an exam, to spend an hour interviewing her and examining her.  And she always did it with good spirit, and with humour.

There are a lot of people I could thank for supporting Trenna in the very last part of her life, but, in fact, for most of her life, SHE was the one helping and supporting others.  So I will thank those people privately.

Having a chronic illness, and one that effects so many parts of the body, can be very hard to deal with, and the medical profession, and the disability sector can be real minefields.  We were lucky in that for MORE than the last 20 years, Trenna and I had our FRIEND, and GP, Cherry Wu help us through it.  Thank you Cherry.

Now, to conclude, you may be wondering what Trenna’s last words were.  They weren’t, as you might think, “I love you, Greg” – no, her last words came about 2 am on the morning of the 23rd December.  The drugs she had been given did quite a good job of keeping her comfortable and calm, BUT at about 2am she was moving around in bed, mumbling, she was very restless.  The nurse and I were wiping her brow, fanning her, moving pillows around, altering the angle of the bed, and still she was uncomfortable.  Eventually the nurse lent over and said “TREENA – what can I do for you”  In a clear,  loud voice,  she replied “GET MY NAME RIGHT”.

Thank you for coming, and for being a part of Trenna’s life.

---

The Eulogy delivered by Nancy is here.